I almost died today, or was paralyzed, or broke a leg, or something…(a lesson in tree stand hunting)

Yeah… True story. Err…can you say “True story” after you just wrote the title? Wouldn’t that be “true title”

AAAAANYHOW…..

I went hunting this morning around Deam Lake. The tree I selected was a little mossy, but I’d never had any problems with that before. I liked the spot, so I attached my tree stand to the tree, and began to climb.

Now, for those of you who don’t understand tree stands and how they work (particularily you people out west), let me stop here and do a bit of educating, so you can undestand the technical details of what was about to happen to me.

A climbing tree stand consists of two portions. The “stand”, aptly titled so because this is the part you stand on, has a bar you can slip your feet under to raise it up the tree. It attaches to the tree with a metal band, that you can tighten until it’s at the right angle so that as you ascend up the tree and it gets smaller, the stand starts to flatten out. As you lift the stand with your feet, you loosen the stand by increasing the angle, allowing you to pull it up, or let it slide down. The “climber” is the part of the stand that true Kentuckians don’t need. They just bear hug the tree and pull their legs up or down. I am not a true Kentuckian. I use a “climber” half of a stand to attach to the tree in much the same way the “stand” part does. I put my arms over the arms of the “climber” and then I can pull my legs up. I then stand up to full height on the “stand”, replace the “climber” a bit higher and put my arms over it, and raise my legs up. You keep repeating this process until you are as high as you want to be. It’s sort of like an inch worm.

Now, it’s important for your two sections to be tethered together like mine used to be.

It’s also important that if your stand is not tethered together, that your feet are unable to easily come out from under the bar on the “stand”, like used to be the case with my old hunting boots.

And so I was ready to climb the tree. The stand and climber were attached, and I hopped up on them and began to ascend as normal. Just as I was going to pull my legs up the last time, my stand hit the tree next to mine. (it was a V shaped tree). This slight unexpected knock to my stand dislodged my feet from under the bar. With no weight to keep the pressure on the tree, the “stand” portion slipped all the way back down the tree. I estimate I was 15-20 feet up.

So, there I was, dangling from my climber portion. I was rather comfortable, as far as dangling from a tree went, and knew I was fine. Help would come soon. Surely.

Except I was hunting alone, and while I pointed out my position to my wife on google maps on my iPhone last night, I wasn’t expecting help in the near future.

There was only one other hunter in that entire section of woods that I knew of. He went the other way as near as I can tell. Yelling “HEEEEELLLLPPP” probably wasn’t going to do anything for me.

Yep. Just me and the tree. And of course the ground, and let’s not forget the gravitational pull of the earth.

I briefly considered letting go, tucking, and getting ready to roll when I hit the ground, hoping that if I rolled effectively, I wouldn’t break anything. The log behind me wasn’t looking like it was going to help my rolling however. I also realize, I’m just too heavy of a man to gracefully survive a fall like that.

So I prayed, asked God for strength, and began to swing my legs to the tree and grip it with my knees. After assuming a “firm” hold on the tree with my knees, I pushed my body upward as quickly as I could, so that the “climber” would dislodge and fall down the tree. Now, my body coming back down would then tighten it back to the tree, and I would catch myself on it again. (my poor arms!). I then had to repeat the process of “gripping” the tree with my knees, lunging upward, falling downward, and being caught on the stand another foot or so down. I’d say I had to do this about 10 times.

Finally, I got low enough to where I knew I could safely drop to my stand, and from there to the ground.

“I bet you were kissing the ground when you got there” you may say? Are you kidding? The ground could have killed me!!

I was thanking the Lord for the strength to do that. I was happy to be on the ground. I was happy to get home. Happy to be alive, and able to walk, and all of that. Just happy.