Venting

I don’t usually vent on my blog.  I try to keep it all happy and only post the good things in life.  But I’ve been holding it in for so long  now I just feel the need to let it out. 

This is the 3rd week we’ve had no bathroom.  Trevor started renovation on it New Years weekend.  Since then we’ve been taking showers upstairs, using the potty downstairs (in the laundry room that just happens to have a toilet) and using the kitchen sink for everything else. 

My house is a wreck.  The downstairs has all of the bathroom stuff just piled up in the middle of the floor.  My bedroom has all of the “hair fixin stuff” just piled up all over my dresser.  There is drywall dust everywhere.  My carpet is getting stains on it from going in and out while working on the bathroom. 

My kids have no desire to live in a clean house.  They just don’t care.  Their rooms stay trashed all the time.  The livingroom stays trashed all the time.  As as I type this the kitchen is filled with “snow clothing” and puddles of melted snow.  The only way to get them to clean is head towards their bedrooms with a black garbage bag.  But that gets really old. 

It seems I go around in circles trying to keep the house clean, homeschool my children, and be good wife to my husband who works hard all day to provide us with a nice place to live, nice clothes to wear and good food to eat.  I know he says he doesn’t care if the house is a mess.  He’d rather I do a good job schooling the kids.  I love him deeply for that.  But I still feel like a failure at my job.  Why can I not keep up??  What am I doing wrong. 

To top it off, I’ve had this reoccurring pain that comes on me from time to time.  Its in my chest area and it really bothers me.  I’m not sure if its acid reflux (which is what my doctor thinks it is) or if its stress, or if its something I should really be worried about.  It started happening about 3 months ago.  It last a few days and then goes away for about 2-3 weeks before returning again.  The doctor doesn’t think its anything serious.  I wrote a check for it and I’m really trying hard to grasp ahold of my healing.  So if you are reading this, I’m asking you to please pray for me.  I need to dig deeper into the Lord and really grasp ahold of His healing power and Love. 

I know the end is near.  There is Light at the end of the tunnel.  I just need to keep holding on tightly to the Anchor. 

I love my job.  I really do.  I wouldn’t trade my job for anything in the world.  I just grow tired sometimes and need to vent. 

Now that’s that is done, I’m going to go back to my job with a smile and a prayer.